I've been through a lot in my life. Don't get me wrong, a large portion of it was self-inflicted and easily avoidable but the experience was still emotion-inducing and sometimes traumatic. So many times I have been out of control of myself or situations and it's a lot to deal with.
I often come up with random scenarios in my head. Most of them are about the children. I think I'm going to find them smothered or I'll wake up to a fire and not be able to get them out. Or a serial killer comes in and slowly tortures them until I completely snap. And what's scary to me is that each of those thoughts kills a little part inside of me.
My biggest current fear (since we've had to move in with relatives until this whole mortgage thing is figured out) is that the babies will be molested. It's not that anyone in this household is untrustworthy (to my knowledge) it's just that I am projecting my insecurities onto them.
One of these days, I hope to feel like not everything and everyone is out to get me.
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