The Victim was found distressed and wet. The Suspect was repeatedly saying, "It was an accident." Witness A was yelling streams of information regarding the events in question. Witness B said, "Pffftt!" Witness C seemed shifty-eyed and disinterested; he was jumping on the couch. Officer Z and I attempted to piece together enough of the events to create a cohesive crime scene. It was apparent we would have to separate the Suspect, Victim and Witnesses to see if we could get the story to add up.
Officer Z and I started in Interrogation Room A with "The Suspect." When I entered the room, he was blubbering incoherently about needing a glass of a water. I used the deep breathing technique I used after many years on the beat, forcing the Suspect to calm himself. For clarity, I will refer to myself, Officer R, as O.R. from this moment on.
O.R: So, tell me what happened.
The Suspect begins to blubber again.
O.R: I'd really like to help you, son, but I can't understand you when you speak that way. I'm going to need you to take a few more breaths and tell me the story from beginning to end. No crying this time.
Suspect: Okay... I went to get a glass of water.
O.R: In the kitchen?
Suspect: Yes.
O.R: Was the Victim in there with you?
Suspect: Yes, he was.
O.R: Okay, continue.
Suspect: After I filled up my glass, the Victim tipped it over, spilling it all over the floor and counter.
O.R: Okay.
Suspect: I filled it up again and the Victim went for it one more time, so I poured the glass of water over him.
Officer Zach (now referred to as O.Z. for clarity): Are you suggesting that this act was in self-defense?
Suspect: Yes.
O.Z: Alright, son, stay put until we speak to the other witnesses.
The Suspect begins to blubber again.
O.R: I'd really like to help you, son, but I can't understand you when you speak that way. I'm going to need you to take a few more breaths and tell me the story from beginning to end. No crying this time.
Suspect: Okay... I went to get a glass of water.
O.R: In the kitchen?
Suspect: Yes.
O.R: Was the Victim in there with you?
Suspect: Yes, he was.
O.R: Okay, continue.
Suspect: After I filled up my glass, the Victim tipped it over, spilling it all over the floor and counter.
O.R: Okay.
Suspect: I filled it up again and the Victim went for it one more time, so I poured the glass of water over him.
Officer Zach (now referred to as O.Z. for clarity): Are you suggesting that this act was in self-defense?
Suspect: Yes.
O.Z: Alright, son, stay put until we speak to the other witnesses.
We closed the door to Interrogation Room A. Since the other rooms were filled, we were forced to use the lobby for our questioning. Witness A was concerned for the Victim, who had since been put in a pair of dry clothes, and wished to be by the Victim's side. Due to overcrowding, we were forced to comply with the witness's request. It became apparent that the other two witnesses were in no condition to be of any use to us and were released, pending further investigation. The Victim will be thus referred to as Mr. V, for clarity.
O.R: Mr. V?
Mr. V: Yes?
O.R: We have spoken with the Suspect, who has given us more information regarding the incident. I am going to ask you some questions, I would like for you to keep in mind that I have been trained to know when someone is lying. It would be within your best interests to be up front and honest with me.
Mr. V: Okay.
O.R: Before the events in question, did you approach the Suspect in any way?
Mr. V: No.
O.Z: You didn't reach for the glass, tip it over, rush at him, or any other action that could be construed as aggressive?
Mr. V: No.
O.R: Mr. V, I am going to give you one more chance to divulge any information to us that could be misunderstood.
Witness A: Mr. V didn't do anything! I saw'l it!
(Witness A will now be referred to as Wah, for clarity.)
O.Z: Okay, Wah, what did you see?
Wah: Well, neither of them were directly in my line of sight but I distinctly remember the Suspect pouring the glass of water on Mr. V, with no provocation.
O.Z: Did you see the events leading up to the incident?
Wah: No, I was sitting with Witness B, trying to give her a kiss.
O.Z: So, you can neither confirm nor deny that the splash was provoked?
Wah: I suppose not.
O.R: Mr. V, where was the Suspect when he splashed you?
Mr. V: By the sink.
O.R: Where were you?
Mr. V: I was standing by the gate leading towards the sink.
O.R: Were you at anytime anywhere other than where you have suggested?
Mr. V: No.
Mr. V: Yes?
O.R: We have spoken with the Suspect, who has given us more information regarding the incident. I am going to ask you some questions, I would like for you to keep in mind that I have been trained to know when someone is lying. It would be within your best interests to be up front and honest with me.
Mr. V: Okay.
O.R: Before the events in question, did you approach the Suspect in any way?
Mr. V: No.
O.Z: You didn't reach for the glass, tip it over, rush at him, or any other action that could be construed as aggressive?
Mr. V: No.
O.R: Mr. V, I am going to give you one more chance to divulge any information to us that could be misunderstood.
Witness A: Mr. V didn't do anything! I saw'l it!
(Witness A will now be referred to as Wah, for clarity.)
O.Z: Okay, Wah, what did you see?
Wah: Well, neither of them were directly in my line of sight but I distinctly remember the Suspect pouring the glass of water on Mr. V, with no provocation.
O.Z: Did you see the events leading up to the incident?
Wah: No, I was sitting with Witness B, trying to give her a kiss.
O.Z: So, you can neither confirm nor deny that the splash was provoked?
Wah: I suppose not.
O.R: Mr. V, where was the Suspect when he splashed you?
Mr. V: By the sink.
O.R: Where were you?
Mr. V: I was standing by the gate leading towards the sink.
O.R: Were you at anytime anywhere other than where you have suggested?
Mr. V: No.
O.Z. and I both surveyed the area of the incident, confirming that there was only a pattern of water that suggested the pouring incident occurred and no signs of a struggle, such as was indicated by the Suspect. We again went to clarify the Suspect's story.
O.Z: Alright, son. O.R. and I have surveyed the area and it is clear that the chain of events that you offered could not have been possible. In which case this is clear cut assault and battery.
(The Suspect immediately flushes and begins to squeeze out a few more tears.)
Suspect: I am telling the truth.
O.R: If that is the case, how come the crime scene has no other splash pattern beyond the incident in question?
Suspect: The original splash was further into the kitchen area. There was a tray sitting on the other side of the sink, it's filled with water. I promise you, there is no other way that the tray could have filled up.
O.R: If that is the case, how come the crime scene has no other splash pattern beyond the incident in question?
Suspect: The original splash was further into the kitchen area. There was a tray sitting on the other side of the sink, it's filled with water. I promise you, there is no other way that the tray could have filled up.
O.Z. and I both investigated the tray and confirmed that there was water filling the tray. No other possible investigated avenue could have filled the tray. We decided at this time that the situation was clear and moved both Mr. V and the Suspect into the same room, in the lobby.
O.Z: We have taken into consideration all sides and have discovered that neither of you is telling the whole truth. Mr. V, we've come to the conclusion that you did show an act of aggression before the Suspect tipped the glass of water on you, as is apparent by the splash patterns of the tray next to the sink.
O.R, turning to the victim: Now, son, we know you were also lying. This was not an accident but an act of defiance after an attempt at play gone wrong.
O.Z: Our decision it that both of you will spend 30 minutes, hard time, in separate cells. You should be lucky that we aren't petitioning for a restraining order. Son, you can go into Interrogation Room A for now. We'll bring you a blanket and pillow.
The Suspect: Can I convince you to bring my dog?
O.Z: We will think about it.
O.R: And Mr. V; you will be spending the rest of your time here in Lockup B with two other cellmates.
Wah: What about me?
O.Z: You, Wah, can do whatever you want. Want to watch a movie?
The Suspect and Mr. V groan in unison, being escorted to their separate cells.
((Basically, here is what happened. My six year old and his six year old friend had an altercation with a glass of water today. I started to just write about the story when the creative bug bit me in the ass (ouch!) and I just had to elaborate and exaggerate. Now, this little jewel is roaming around, cracking my friends up. It's nice to feel like you've contributed something to the artistic world. Even if it is amateur, stupid, etc. I'm pretty proud of it. Enjoy!))
