I don't really have a good reason.
You ever have one of those moments where you feel like if you don't write down something profound that you are going to miss one of the most important thoughts of your life? I am currently having one and I have no idea what it could possibly be about.
Today was my middle child's second birthday. (I'm working real hard on that middle child complex, if you hadn't noticed.) We didn't do anything special as his birthday party was in May (doubled up with the cousin for a pool party) until this evening. I baked (something I am terrible at) but ended up with some divine Funfetti cupcakes. We popped a couple of candles in, turned out the lights and sang happy birthday. He chose that moment to look at us expectantly, wondering why we hadn't blown out the hot fire in front of his face. Finally, we caved and blew it out for him when he started to whine and cringe away from the flame. Then, after we removed them and turned the lights back on, he decided the cupcake was still warm and blew on it. Little punk.
Then, we continued playing some Nazi Zombies (World at War, delish!) and got the kids corralled in bed. This is where I inappropriately add my romp in the sack with my husband directly after a story about my son's cupcake. Since we had finally decided the two babies could room together last night (meaning we finally, after two years have reclaimed our territory) we whipped out some Oriental Body Slide and went to town. Now, I know this isn't exactly "blog" material and that I should probably leave this for close friends and maybe my father when he's pissed me off and I want to over-share what his son-in-law does to his daughter... but I have to let you guys know that this stuff is fantastic!
Here's what this miracle from the world of eroticism brings us... well, beyond that uncannily similar smell of Tarantula alcoholic drink mix. First, it comes with a flamboyantly gold tarp that you are supposed to set down before you get to work. Then you mix together the two bottles in four liters of warm water. Now, we are some rebellious folk so we didn't listen to the box when it said not to set up the tarp on our bed. Do not set it up on your bed. As fun as the product is, it is insanely messy and the tarp is not going to stay put when you get excited and start banging like you're having a duet on the bongos. Make sure that the kids are gone (or the dogs are put away) and set that shit up in your living room. You can always rent a steam cleaner. Anyways, strip down and begin pouring this weird (VERY weird) mixture on your partner and yourself. Then it's like you have Astroglide over your entire body. It's warm. It's wet. It's AWESOME. And the best part is that although your entire body is slippery, your, ahem, nether regions are perfectly capable of manufacturing friction. I honestly think we would have kept going had the tarp not continued to move beneath us and threaten our very new and very expensive king sized mattress. (This is why normal people read the directions.)
Anyways, that is your friendly neighborhood Rach's assessment of the erotic massage gel of doom. Enjoy it. And it really is nice to finally reacquire the ol' libido. Man, that thing has been screwing me around (or not, as the case may be) for well over two years today. Now, it's time to get some more gaming in. TGIF! (Don't judge me, I'm stoned... the romp hurt my junk.)
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