I wish that my dad hadn't forgotten when your party was which sent me into a spiral of self-loathing plus homicidal tendencies. I wish I didn't feel like curling up into a ball and forgetting that my life exists as it is. But I am. And even though all of that is occurring and I am tired and frightened and wondering if I will ever be the mother you deserve, I want you to know that every second of every minute of every hour of every day, I will fight to be normal. I will fight to not be the disorder that exists within me. I will fight to be everything you could ever want and more.
So, happy birthday, baby girl. I love you. I will always love you. And I will always strive to be more for you but most importantly, for myself.
September 13, 2013 at 11:22 a.m. 7 lbs. 12 oz. 20 inches long. Skyler AnnMarie Caspers.
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